BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS »

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Setting




The orange rays peeked through the thin branches of the willow trees that swayed with the breeze. Tiny ripples drifted across the emerald green waters of the pond, and in the background, elated giggles were heard. The little boy toddled across the soft grass, feeling like he was stepping across an ocean of pillows. The ground was still wet and the air still smelling of rain. As he reached the water, he tentatively dipped a toe into the cool water. He put his other foot in, a pleasant tingling feeling creeping up his leg. Sweet chirping mixed in with the occasional chirp of crickets echoed throughout the little park. Suddenly, a shriek rang out....

2 comments:

Joshua Chang said...

I really like the way you described the scene, it seems like it is very peaceful and calm. However, I believe you could have described the smell of the grass and air better, just saying it smelled like rain isn’t very descriptive IMO. The ending also isn’t bad, because you know something’s immediately about to happen. It does hook the reader in to see what caused that shriek, which will mean they will continue to be interested in your piece of work.

Joshua Chang said...

Oh yeah, I'd probably give you a B. Quite nice, but probably can be improved further.